I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
