SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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