cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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