I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
