some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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