Will you blow on my dice?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
