Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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