Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
