Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
