This is not my ceiling
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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