Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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