Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
