He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
