my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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