remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
