8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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