I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
