you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
