when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
did i just pee glitter
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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