I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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