We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
