Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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