She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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