Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I touched a dick in church today
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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