had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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