In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
