My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize