I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
