I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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