i would punch a child for taco bell
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
