Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
