just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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