are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
