i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
jump out the window naked night went bad
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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