She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
