gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
