the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
of course. lets lasso hookers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
