JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
