so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize