Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
