We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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