What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Houston, we have a blender
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
