There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
