awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
