you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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