i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
