I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
