a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
