That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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