Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize