Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
