My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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