I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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