Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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