I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
