great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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