He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
