so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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