Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
