I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
