He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
