His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
