All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize