But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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