My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
