I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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