and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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