We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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